Starting Over After Divorce At 40
Posted On April 2, 2020
“Divorced at 40 now what” – that google request is popular betwixt mature people, who become singles in the prime of their lives. Life can throw us curve balls at any time. Nasty things like divorce or job loss or medical problems happen, and the only way out is to stay positive and strong.
Although divorced people came from different backgrounds, all of them have much in common. That allows recommending universal tips for starting over after divorce at 40. Read on this article to find out how to bounce back after divorce.
Cry It Out
Divorce can be disgusting on many levels. The suddenness of the event lies that have been said to you, or any other thing coming with a breakup is depressing. And it’s normal you want to cry or shout or even destroy something. When a person gets married, the last thing they anticipate is getting divorced, but such is life.
That’s why if you are going through a divorce right now, you should let your feelings out. It’s the time when friends’ support and smooth talks are needed more than ever. Don’t negate the alone time too. Solitude is a powerful and essential instrument for getting back to you and reinventing yourself. Celebrate the thing you don’t need to suppress who you are. Sooner or later, you’ll face the fact that starting life over at 40 is another step to a happier existence.
Create Your Own Space For Living
Environment matters. The makeover of your house or just one room in it will make you feel better and take your mind off negative thoughts. You’d be surprised by the therapeutic effect of painting walls in a different color or moving the furniture. Replace old pictures with new ones and throw out all the things that make you feel sad.
If you are just out of a divorce, a little renovation is what you need to do to get your head straight and getting things on the place where they need to be.
Take Your Time For Self-Reflection
Starting over in your 40s means understanding why your prior marriage failed and drawing conclusions. If it’s hard to do that on your own, don’t hesitate to get into psychotherapy. Why is this step so important? The first and main reason is you should know what went wrong to be able to build a new successful relationship in the future. Also, it might happen that men you’re attracted to romantically aren’t 100% right for you, and you should reevaluate your priorities.
Try Online Dating
Dating after divorce at 40 can be not easy, but the key is to get started. If you don’t look forward to going to the bar alone and talking to strangers, try a dating app. There are lots of tools where you can find singles of your age group, younger or older people, who are also in search of a partner at the moment. For example, EliteSingles is good for those who want to find a deep connection with an intelligent and financially stablemate. And OkCupid is OK for singles in search or fun, communication, flirt, and love adventures.
Even though you don’t plan meeting up with someone, online dating will bring you back in the game. It also will help you to put yourself in the best position to start dating again. Another tip is to try to make contact with a person who has the attributes that your ex didn’t, and that you really want and like. It goes about both physical and mental features.
Focus On Your Career
Personal satisfaction in the career means a lot, especially if you are divorced at 40. Do something you’re passionate about and get excellent about it. The truth is a relationship needs two people to work. As for the career, things are simpler, and it can become your way to survive the stress from separation. Also, the 40s is an excellent time for improving your professional skills or even finding a new job. The thing is, at this age, most people have already discovered their interests and know what job works for them.
Life after divorce for women over 40 is hard from the moral and mental point of view. But what would it be without a career and financial stability? In this situation, a good paid and inspiring job is literally a lifeline. If you left the workforce to raise children and relied on a spouse’s income, now it’s high time to become more confident and independent.
Find New Passions
It often happens that marriage turns “I” into “We”. Perhaps you forgot about your love for theatre or dances because your ex-husband didn’t like it. Did your ex-wife find fishing boring, and that’s why you quit it? There’s no better time for remembering old hobbies and trying them again than after getting divorced at 40. Returning to your favorite occupation will present you with a sensation of lightness, and through that, you’ll understand single life can be happy and bright.
Probably you were a very active traveler but married a calm home bird and settled down. Now you can look at your life like in the next chapter, full of adventures and bright impressions from visiting new places and meeting new people.
Be More Attentive To Your Kids
Divorce in your 40s influences not only your life but your children too. Think about focusing on being the kind of parent you always wanted to be. Some people still think that even bad marriage is better for kids than divorced parents. Many psychologists will easily prove you the opposite. Nobody needs emotionally unstable parents who argue all the time. Considering the fact that most people have kids in their twenties or thirties, your children are big enough to handle this kind of change by the time you’re in your forties.
Try to treat your children as individuals and show them a healthy model of behavior. Nothing motivates a loving parent better than understanding he is an example for his kid. Surviving divorce after 40 can be easier if you keep in mind you are responsible for the calm, health, and well-being of your child. At least, it fosters a spirit.
Remove Negativity From Your Life
Focus on the positive side of things. Break up in the middle of life can mean finding love after divorce at 40 and building a better family unit. A pain now means learning lessons and realizing your goals for the future. Over and above divorce, you get freedom. It means you have freedom from marital stress and constant quarrels, leeway for action. Statistics say most divorced people get weight loss, better looks, and stronger mental health.
Did you find yourself in a brand-new environment where you feel lonely? Think of that as having time for personal growth and an opportunity to see your friends more often. It could be a suitable period for re-engaging with old friends, you haven’t seen for a long time. Fill your life with new activities, figure out how to make new acquaintances, and stay positive whatever it takes.
Get Your Finances In Order
Surviving divorce after 40 years, sometimes literary means surviving. Lack of money can spoil your life even more than other factors. When your spouse’s income or inheritance is gone, however, you’ll be forced to create a budget of your own.
Fortunately, in your 40s, you still have energy and time to gain enough money. You should accept being a part of a couple, and being a single require different types of financial behavior and responsibility. Think of your retirement plan, start saving, and make it a priority.
Try To Stay Friends With Your Ex
One of the main tips on how to survive divorce after 40 is not to compare yourself to your ex and stop following him or her on social media. There is a huge temptation of keeping tabs on your ex-wife or ex-husband, but it won’t lead you anywhere except an emotional breakdown or depression. It’s useful to remember that social media isn’t an accurate reflection of a person’s life.
From the moment you realize your life gets better when your ex-spouse’s life goes better, your new happy life would begin. Because forgiveness means you are finally over the divorce.
Conclusion. You thought you had your whole life planned out, and divorce made adjustments. That’s no reason to fall into despair. Another opportunity has opened to you, and there are still cool things you can do. And you don’t need to feel like you’re locked down. Design your life. Take a look at the lives of other people and pick a lifestyle that you’re happy with. This is your big chance to hit the reset button.
Look at what you were happy with inside your marriage and look at what you weren’t happy with. And now you can enter a new relationship with eyes wide open knowing exactly what you want. It’s opposite to just jump into something when you are in your twenties and marry your college sweetheart. Now you know life is all about and what brings you joy. Be sure that a new lifestyle and new girlfriend or boyfriend is the one you want. Don’t let the social pressure decide anything for you. At this age and with the experience of being in a long-term relationship, you have many more chances to be happy.